Speaking of Ourselves: How Language Shapes Women’s Reality
Today, we’re shedding some light on The Power of Words. Particularly, how we, as women, talk about our bodies and ourselves. If you’re ready to ditch the rules, rediscover trust in yourself, and embrace intuitive eating, you’re in the right place.
Whether you’re here to learn, unlearn, or just bask in the brilliance of women owning their worth, this episode is your call to action. So, settle in, and let’s start rewriting the language that shapes our reality. Because when it comes to diet culture, if you’ve had enough- it’s time to Say, When! and reclaim the words that truly nurture our self-worth.
Welcome to Say, When! I’m Holly Toscanini, your guide on this empowering journey out of the diet culture quagmire and into a nurturing relationship with food and your body.
This podcast is your safe space to break free from the harmful narratives society has written for us. Together, we’ll unpack how shifting the words we use can transform not only how we view our bodies but also our entire relationship with food. We’ll hear real stories, share practical advice, and draw on expert insights to build a new vocabulary—one that honors the incredible bodies we live in. We’re not just rehashing the same tired conversations about diet and body image; we’re challenging the very language we use to talk about these things. It’s not just about what we say to others, but how we speak to ourselves that makes all the difference. From ‘skinny’ versus ‘healthy’ to ‘flawed’ versus ‘unique,’ we’re flipping the script on the words that hold us back, replacing them with language that celebrates who we are—right here, right now.
The inspiration for this episode was sparked by a brilliant article by Elise Loehnen in Oprah Magazine from June 2023, which had me nodding the whole way through.
We all know words have power—they’re not just random sounds we toss into the universe. As Elise Loehnen so beautifully puts it, words are carriers of energy. They shape our perceptions and, ultimately, our reality. Think of a word like ‘home.’ It doesn’t just describe a place; it evokes emotions, memories, and an entire vibe. The mere mention of it can fill you with a sense of warmth, safety, or longing, depending on your experience. That’s the magic of language—its ability to reach beyond the surface and stir something deep within us.
But words do even more than evoke feelings or memories—they can serve as catalysts for transformation. This is especially true in rituals like prayer, meditation, and blessings, where words are often imbued with sacred intention. Think about it: when we sit in quiet meditation, repeat a prayer, or offer a blessing, we’re not just reciting words. We’re activating something within ourselves and the universe, tapping into forces far greater than what’s visible.
In prayer, for example, we speak with intention, whether we’re asking for guidance, giving thanks, or seeking peace. The act of praying aligns our words with our deepest desires, creating a bridge between the spiritual and the physical world. Words in prayer aren’t passive; they hold a unique vibrational energy. Every ‘thank you,’ ‘please,’ or ‘amen’ sends out a ripple that can shift how we feel, think, and even act in the world.
Similarly, in meditation, words—whether spoken aloud or repeated silently—become anchors for our minds. Mantras, affirmations, or even a single word can help center our focus and create a sense of calm. Think about the power behind the word ‘om’ in certain spiritual practices. It’s just two letters, but the energy it holds has been said to represent the very vibration of the universe. When spoken in meditation, it connects us to something bigger than ourselves, grounding us in the present while also reminding us of the infinite.
And then there are blessings. The act of blessing someone, or even ourselves, is a conscious way of sending positivity and goodwill through the power of language. A simple phrase like ‘May you be well’ can carry a profound weight, especially when spoken with genuine intention. Whether it’s a blessing before a meal or a blessing for a loved one’s journey, words in these moments take on an almost alchemical role. They don’t just describe—they create. They cultivate an energy of care, protection, and goodwill.
We also see the power of words in daily rituals we might not even realize are sacred. Ever notice how a positive affirmation repeated over time begins to reshape your mindset? The phrase “I am worthy” spoken in front of the mirror each morning may feel mechanical at first, but over time, the words weave themselves into the fabric of your thoughts and beliefs. This is the power of intention. Our words, when paired with consistent energy and focus, can help us break free from old narratives and start to create new ones.
It’s not just the words we speak that hold power, but the intention behind them. Every word carries vibrational energy, and that energy is amplified by the emotions and intentions we attach to it. Whether you’re speaking to yourself in the mirror or having a conversation with a friend, the strength of a word isn’t just in its meaning—it’s in how and why you’re saying it. When we speak from a place of self-love, compassion, or empowerment, our words carry more weight, helping us to reshape our reality and cultivate the life we truly desire. Intentional language becomes a tool for transformation, reinforcing the positive shifts we want to make in how we see our bodies and our worth.
This magic extends to the language we use around our bodies, food, and self-worth. The way we talk to ourselves, especially in these realms, becomes a form of ritual. They can be a curse or a blessing. Whether you realize it or not, the words you repeat to yourself daily—especially those whispered in moments of vulnerability—hold the power to heal or harm. What if instead of thinking, I’ll never be enough, we started each day by saying, I am already enough? What kind of shift could that create in how we perceive ourselves and the world around us?
Even outside traditional spiritual contexts, words are essential in the rituals of everyday life. A comforting ‘I’m here for you’ said to a friend, or a whispered ‘You’ve got this’ before a big moment, can have as much grounding energy as a formal blessing or mantra. Words help us move through life with intention, connecting us to each other and to ourselves.
The magic is in the intentionality. Words become powerful when we breathe life into them with purpose, focus, and presence. So whether you’re offering a prayer for strength, meditating on a mantra, or simply choosing words of kindness to describe your body, remember this: your words are not just reflections of your thoughts—they are the architects of your reality. Each word is a thread in the larger tapestry of your life, weaving together your experiences, beliefs, and even your sense of self.
And that’s where the real magic lies—in the conscious use of words to build the world we want to live in, starting with how we speak to and about ourselves. When we choose words that uplift, heal, and empower, we’re not just changing our language. We’re changing our lives.
Now, apply that to how we talk about our bodies. Words like ‘hysterical’ or ‘shrill’ have long been used to diminish women, while terms like ‘bossy’ can make us question our right to take up space or be heard. And don’t even get me started on how these labels can worm their way into our subconscious, impacting how we see ourselves.
The language we use isn’t just descriptive—it’s directive. It influences how we think, how we behave, and even how we feel. You’ve likely heard of the concept called linguistic determinism, which suggests that language shapes our worldview. If all we hear are negative or limiting words, it’s no surprise that our self-perception starts to shrink, too.
Take, for example, the word ‘hysterical.’ This delightful little gem of sexism has roots in the Greek word for uterus. Yes, really. It was historically used to dismiss women’s emotions as nothing more than hormonal chaos. Nice, right? Every time we hear or use that word, we’re reinforcing that narrative, even if we don’t mean to.
Now, compare that with the way men are described: words like ‘virtuous’ or ‘assertive’ are all about strength and leadership. Language reflects societal power dynamics—so when we start to change the words we use, we’re not just speaking differently; we’re shifting power.
Let’s be real: breaking free from this subconscious programming isn’t easy. It’s ingrained in us from childhood. But by becoming aware of it, we can start to challenge it. Elise’s article highlights some fantastic word swaps we can make to begin this shift. One of my favorites? Trading out ‘nice’ for ‘kind.’
Being nice often means we’re bending over backward to please others at our own expense. Kindness, on the other hand, comes from a place of compassion and strength. It’s about connection and empathy, not self-sacrifice. See the difference?
Here’s another: ‘flawed’ vs. ‘unique.’ Society loves to tell us what’s wrong with our bodies. Stretch marks, cellulite, scars—they’re branded as ‘flaws.’ But what if we flipped that and started seeing these things as markers of our uniqueness? Our bodies tell stories. Shouldn’t our language reflect that?
Elise’s distinction between ‘sexy’ and ‘sexual’ perfectly illustrates the power of language to either confine or liberate us. When we embrace words like ‘sexual,’ we reclaim ownership of our bodies and desires, shifting the narrative from society’s gaze to our own autonomy. It’s a reminder that the words we choose matter deeply—they shape how we experience ourselves and the world around us.
It can be challenging to change the words we use but working with a coach like me can make it easier. I’ve seen this shift happen time and time again with the women I work with and those who listen to this podcast. The stories they share about changing the way they talk to themselves—about their bodies, their worth, and their boundaries—are living proof of just how transformative this can be.
Let me share a couple of these powerful testimonials with you, starting with Margaret, a woman who rewrote her story by simply changing the words she used to describe herself.
Margaret said, “My internal dialogue was brutal. I’d constantly use words like ‘fat,’ ‘lazy,’ or ‘ugly’ to describe myself, and I didn’t even realize the damage it was doing. Listening to Holly talk about the power of language and how our words shape our reality was a total wake-up call. I started small—swapping out ‘fat’ for ‘full figured’ and ‘lazy’ for ‘resting.’ Over time, those subtle changes shifted my entire mindset. I stopped seeing my body as something to fix and started appreciating it for what it is—a beautiful, strong vessel that deserves love and respect. Now, when I look in the mirror, I use words like ‘worthy,’ ‘capable,’ and ‘strong.’ This shift in language completely transformed how I feel about myself. I’m no longer at war with my body; I’m at peace with it. Holly’s message was the catalyst I needed to rewrite my story—and I’m forever grateful for that.”
Here’s another story from Kim, “As a lifelong perfectionist and people pleaser, I was constantly chasing an impossible standard, not just in how I looked, but in everything I did. My inner voice was relentless—‘You’re not doing enough,’ ‘You’re not good enough,’ ‘You can’t say no, or they’ll be disappointed.’ I drove myself (and everyone around me) crazy trying to be perfect. But working with Holly changed everything. I realized I was using words like ‘should,’ ‘must,’ and ‘can’t’ to keep myself locked in this cycle of over-giving and self-criticism.
Slowly, I started changing how I talked to myself. I replaced ‘I should do this’ with ‘I choose to do this,’ and gave myself permission to say, ‘No, I don’t have to do it all.’ The biggest shift came when I stopped telling myself I needed to be perfect and started saying, ‘I’m enough just as I am.’ That’s when the weight lifted. I could finally say no without guilt, set boundaries, and stop bending over backward to meet everyone’s expectations.
I’ve never felt freer, and the funny thing is, the more I let go of perfection, the more I realized that I wasn’t letting anyone down. In fact, my relationships and my mental health have improved. Holly’s podcast didn’t just help me change the words I use—it helped me change the way I live.”
And that brings us to the end of today’s conversation on Say, When! I hope you feel as inspired as I do to be more mindful about the language we use—especially when it comes to ourselves.
Before I let you go, I have a little something for you: my quiz, Is It Time to Ditch Your Diet? You can find it in the show notes or on my website, hollytoscanini.com. If you’ve been feeling like diet culture has a chokehold on your life, this quiz is the perfect way to reflect on where you are and whether it’s time for a radical shift towards intuitive eating and body acceptance.
Thank you, as always, for joining me on this journey of self-love, language, and everything in between. Remember, every word you choose has the power to reshape your reality. So, let’s choose words that honor, uplift, and celebrate us.
Until next time, here’s to saying ‘when’ to diet culture and ‘yes’ to the life you truly deserve.
Resources
5 Everyday Words Women Need to Delete from Their Lives By Elise Loehnen Published: Jun 29, 2023 Oprah Magazine
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