Unshrinking: Overcoming Misogyny and Fatphobia
Today’s episode discusses the complex and often challenging topics of misogyny and fatphobia.
Drawing inspiration from the works of philosopher and author Kate Manne, Holly explores how societal standards and biases shape our perceptions and treatment of women’s bodies. This episode isn’t just about understanding these issues; it’s a call to action for personal empowerment and societal change.
Holly emphasizes the psychological and emotional toll these societal pressures can have on women. She provides practical strategies for individuals to challenge internalized beliefs about body image and self-worth, highlighting the importance of self-compassion, self-care, and resilience. Holly also discusses the critical role of collective action, encouraging listeners to critically evaluate media messages, engage in advocacy and education, and support one another in the journey toward body positivity and inclusivity.
Key Takeaways
Understanding Misogyny and Fatphobia
Psychological Impact on Women
Strategies for Personal Empowerment
Importance of Collective Action
Empowerment Leads to Societal Change
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to understand and challenge the deep-seated biases against women’s bodies and embrace a journey of self-love and collective empowerment.
Unshrinking: How to Face Fatphobia by Kate Manne
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Unshrinking: Overcoming Misogyny and Fatphobia
In this episode, we’ll peel back the layers of misogyny and fatphobia, exploring how they impact our lives and, most importantly, how we can stand tall against them. We’re here to have a deep, thoughtful conversation, but also to uplift and inspire. This is about finding our collective strength and using it to forge a path to empowerment and self-love.
So, get cozy, grab your favorite beverage, and let’s lean into this together. It’s time to challenge the norms, break down barriers, and celebrate our journeys towards true self-acceptance.
Hello and welcome to the “Say, ‘When!'” podcast. I’m your host, Holly Toscanini. I believe in the power of intuitive eating, body acceptance, and embracing health at every size. It’s not just about living; it’s about thriving in the body you have right now with unconditional confidence.
Today we’re exploring a topic that’s both challenging and crucial: Understanding and overcoming misogyny and fatphobia. These are not just buzzwords; they are pervasive forces that shape our experiences, our self-perception, and the way society views us as people who identify as women.
I want to introduce you to the work of Kate Manne.
Kate Manne is a prominent author and philosopher, known for her incisive work on feminism, misogyny, and social justice. As an Associate Professor of Philosophy at Cornell University, Manne brings a unique blend of academic rigor and cultural relevance to her writing and teaching. She holds a Ph.D. from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and an undergraduate degree from the University of Melbourne.
Manne’s groundbreaking book, “Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny,” published in 2017, offers a nuanced exploration of misogyny in contemporary society. Her analysis distinguishes between misogyny and sexism and delves into how misogyny functions as a system that polices and enforces gender norms. The book has been highly influential, sparking discussions in both academic circles and the wider public sphere.
Following the success of “Down Girl,” Manne published “Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women” in 2020. This work further explores themes of gender and power dynamics, focusing on societal entitlements and how they intersect with various forms of oppression.
Manne’s writings extend beyond her books, with contributions to prominent publications like The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic. Her work is characterized by its clarity, accessibility, and the ability to connect philosophical concepts with everyday experiences. Manne continues to be a vital voice in contemporary feminist discussion, challenging and enlightening readers and students alike with her thoughtful and provocative analyses.
I recently read her latest book, “Unshrinking: How to Face Fatphobia”. In this book, Kate Manne shows why fatphobia has become a vital social justice issue. Over the last several decades, implicit bias has decreased in every category, from race to sexual orientation, except one: body size. Manne examines how anti-fatness operates—how it leads us to make devastating assumptions about a person’s attractiveness, fortitude, and intellect, and how it intersects with other systems of oppression. Fatphobia is responsible for wage gaps, medical neglect, and poor educational outcomes; it is a straitjacket, restricting our freedom, our movement, and our potential.
Her work remains a beacon, guiding us through these complex issues. Kate’s insightful analysis of misogyny and how it intertwines with societal attitudes towards women’s bodies is more than just academic; it’s a call to action for all of us.
So, let’s start by talking about fatphobia.
It’s a fear and disdain of fatness, both in others and in ourselves. But it’s more than just a personal prejudice; it’s a societal issue. Fatphobia is deeply rooted in the belief that thinness equals worthiness, desirability, and even moral virtue. It’s a standard that is relentlessly pushed on us, by the media, in fashion, and even in our everyday interactions.
The term ‘fat’ has been turned into an insult instead of a neutral description like thin, short, or tall. Just like the way “girl’ has been turned into an insult, ‘You throw like a girl, you hit like a girl’, etc.
In 2019 research done at Harvard showed that out of the 6 forms of implicit bias (race, skin tone, sexual orientation, age, disability, and body weight), anti-fatness is the only bias that has steadily gotten worse since 2007.
In “Unshrinking”, Manne says that it’s not fatness that’s problematic for society but fatphobia.
In her book, she attempts to dismantle 3 myths of fatphobia.
First– Your excess weight isn’t the death sentence you’ve been told.
Second– Weight is not as easy to control as we’ve been led to believe. (Social determinants of health)
Third– While it’s true that many people can lose weight, keeping it off long term is rare.
So, what we learn is that when it comes to our health, being fit is what matters more than being fat. Unfortunately, many people, especially those in the medical community, fitness, and fashion industries continue to make body fat the main issue. This just leads to weight stigma.
Why is this a problem?
Two of the main reasons are that because of weight stigma, people in larger bodies may not seek health care because every interaction they have with their provider is met with the diagnosis of weight loss before any credibility is given to the individual’s complaints or reasons for seeking treatment in the first place.
And, weight stigma may also cause fat people to resist going to gyms and fitness centers to work out because of being openly ridiculed, mocked, and stared at.
Now, let’s talk about Misogyny.
As Manne describes, it isn’t just a generalized hatred towards women. It’s more insidious than that. It’s a societal enforcement mechanism used to keep women in their ‘place.’ Misogyny punishes women who don’t conform to societal expectations, and who don’t adhere to prescribed roles. It’s about control, about maintaining a status quo where women’s bodies and choices are policed and regulated.
These concepts of misogyny and fatphobia are not about overt hate. They’re about control. They are about regulating women’s bodies and choices, about dictating what is acceptable and allowable and what is not. They’re tools used to maintain a power structure where women’s value is intrinsically linked to their appearance and subservience, and where deviation from the norm is met with judgment, scorn, and even retaliation.
And here’s where it gets even more intertwined. Societal standards of beauty are not just random preferences. They’re crafted and upheld by these very mechanisms of control. These standards tell us that to be beautiful, to be desirable, to be worthy, we must be thin, and we must fit a certain mold. This is gaslighting; it’s a form of social control, a way to keep women striving for an unattainable ideal, spending their energy, time, and money in pursuit of approval and acceptance.
I want to read an excerpt from “Unshrinking”, this starts on page 153 for those of you who have the book.
“… the victim of diet culture experiences a severance of the cord of trust that should run between her agency and her thoughts, feelings, appetites, and other more diffuse mental states, such as her sense of bodily worth and well-being.
Increasingly, we know better than to diet or to try to shrink ourselves down to size. But, gaslighting makes us feel guilty, unworthy, unhealthy, ugly, and, yes, fat- understood as a pejorative, not a neutral descriptor- for refusing to diet.
We are not just told what to do. Nor are we merely complicit. We are actively recruited, made agents, in our own oppressive lifestyles.
Diet culture also gaslights us in subleter ways.
This dry rice cake is so satisfying.
This delicious fatty food is actually nasty, even disgusting.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. (although thinness not only is elusive but feels like nothing whatsoever.)
We just need this one new supplement.
We just need this meal kit service.
We just need this exorbitantly expensive piece of exercise equipment.
Other people have succeeded (results not typical) where we have failed.
This isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle, or a detox or cleanse. (our bodies, by implication, when left to their own devices, are dirty and contaminated.)
This isn’t about being thin it’s about being strong (said while showcasing one’s newly developed, rippling muscles.)
This is about your health, including your mental health. This is about self-care: this is for you!”
Kate Manne
Well, dear listeners, Kate Manne calls bullshit, and so do I.
You see, the pressure to conform to these standards leads to a myriad of issues – body dysmorphia, eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and so much more. It’s a cycle of control that keeps women preoccupied with their appearance, diverting attention from their power, their potential, and their individuality.
But here’s the thing, my friends: recognizing this is the first step towards breaking free. By understanding the roots of these issues, we can start to dismantle them, both within ourselves and in society at large.
Imagine living in a world where your value is constantly measured by how closely you fit a narrow, often unattainable standard of beauty. This is the reality for so many women. It’s a society where thinness is not just preferred but is often seen as synonymous with success, health, and even moral goodness. This constant pressure isn’t just disheartening; it’s damaging on both a psychological and emotional level.
The impact of this societal value system is profound. For those who internalize these standards, the result can be a destructive relationship with their own bodies. We’re talking about self-esteem issues that stem from feeling perpetually inadequate. There’s a perpetual sense of failure for many women, a feeling that no matter how hard they try, they’ll never be ‘good enough’ because they don’t fit into the slim mold that society praises.
Then there are eating disorders, a direct and often devastating consequence of this pressure. Eating disorders aren’t just about food; they’re about control, a sense of worth tied up in body size, and an internalized fear of fatness. They are complex, dangerous, and sadly, all too common.
Body dysmorphia is another consequence, where individuals can’t see their bodies as they truly are. They’re caught in a distorted perception, often believing they are much larger than they are, or fixating on perceived flaws that are either minor or nonexistent. This constant dissatisfaction with one’s body can lead to a range of harmful behaviors and a life consumed by the pursuit of an impossible standard.
But the impact doesn’t stop at a personal level. It spills over into professional lives as well. Women who don’t conform to these standards often face discrimination in the workplace. They’re judged not just on their abilities but on their appearance. Studies have shown that weight bias can affect hiring decisions, promotions, and pay. It’s a form of prejudice that’s less talked about, but it’s pervasive and damaging.
In personal relationships too, these issues take a toll. Women might hold themselves back from romantic relationships, friendships, or social activities because they feel they don’t ‘measure up.’ They might hide their true selves, fearing judgment or rejection.
This is the heavy burden of living in a society that values thinness above almost everything else. It’s a burden that affects mental health, relationships, career opportunities, and overall quality of life.
As women, we get trapped in this diet culture because we don’t think we have a choice.
Now, while these issues are deeply ingrained, they are not insurmountable. There are ways to break free from these chains, to rediscover and reclaim our inherent value or worth in all its forms.
How do we challenge internalized beliefs about body image and worth? How do we rebuild our relationship with our bodies?
First and foremost, it’s crucial to understand that challenging deep-seated beliefs about body image and worth is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and consistent effort.
Start by Questioning and Reframing Negative Thoughts:
Start by identifying and challenging your negative beliefs about your body. When you catch yourself thinking something harmful, pause and question it. Where did you learn to think this way about yourself? Is it really true? Who does this belief serve? Then, actively reframe it into something neutral or something more empowering.
Cultivate Body Neutrality:
Instead of focusing on how your body looks, focus on what it can do. Appreciate your body for its functionality and the experiences it allows you to have.
OR, better yet, consider Body Reflexivity, as Kate Manne calls it. Which asks us to rethink who it is that our bodies are here for in the first place- ourselves! Our bodies aren’t responsible for pleasing anyone but ourselves. Radical, right?
Embrace Intuitive Eating:
This means listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues, rather than following external diet rules. It’s about reconnecting with your body and learning to trust its signals.
Practicing Self-Compassion:
Be gentle with yourself. Understand that it’s totally normal that you are feeling this way, and it’s not your fault. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a dear friend.
Engage in Self-Care:
Prioritize activities that make you feel good about yourself. This doesn’t have to be a spa day, it could be something as simple as going for a walk in nature or engaging in a hobby you love. Self-care is about honoring your needs and giving yourself permission to rest and rejuvenate.
Remember This is about Building Resilience:
Resilience is like a muscle; the more you work on it, the stronger it becomes. Celebrate every victory no matter how small, learn from setbacks, and remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.
Seeking Supportive Communities:
Surround yourself with people who uplift you and share your values of body positivity and acceptance. This could be online communities, local groups, or even a group of friends who understand and support your journey.
Getting Professional Help When Needed:
If you’re struggling with deep-seated body image issues or eating disorders, it’s crucial to seek professional help. Therapists, counselors, and other mental health professionals can provide the guidance and support you need to heal.
Remember, challenging internalized beliefs about body image is a process. It requires consistent practice, but it’s one of the most rewarding journeys you can ever undertake. By practicing self-compassion, engaging in self-care, and building resilience, you’re not just changing how you view your body; you’re changing how you live your life.
I want to emphasize the importance of collective action and the role of each one of us in creating a more accepting and inclusive society, highlighting the interconnectedness of personal empowerment and broader societal change.
Together, we can create a ripple effect of neutrality, reflexivity, and acceptance.
Let’s begin by critically evaluating the messages we see in the media.
We are constantly bombarded with messages about women’s bodies—through advertisements, movies, social media, and even in everyday conversations with our friends, families, and co-workers. It’s crucial to develop a critical ear.
Ask yourself: What message is this sending?
Whose standards are these?
Are they realistic or healthy?
By questioning these messages, we begin to dismantle their power over us and over society.
It could be as simple as becoming an advocate for body inclusivity. This can be as simple as speaking up when you hear body shaming, sharing resources on body neutrality, or supporting campaigns that promote diverse body representation.
Education plays a key role here—informing ourselves and others about the impact of body shaming and the importance of body acceptance. Knowledge is power, and it’s a tool we can use to spark change.
In our own circles, whether it’s family, friends, or work, we can foster an environment of acceptance and understanding. This means celebrating diversity in body shapes and sizes and challenging the notion that one type of body is superior to another. It’s about changing the conversation from one that focuses on appearance to one that values people for who they are.
Next, let’s empower each other to embrace our bodies as they are.
When women feel empowered to love and accept our bodies, the impact goes beyond the individual. It affects our relationships, our work, and our communities. Women who are confident and comfortable in their own skin are more likely to take on leadership roles, to speak up, to advocate for themselves and others. This empowerment can lead to broader societal changes, breaking down the barriers of traditional beauty standards and paving the way for a more inclusive and accepting society.
The journey to body inclusivity and fighting against societal standards isn’t a solo mission. It’s a collective movement that gains strength with every voice that joins in. By critically evaluating the messages we receive, advocating for change, and empowering each other, we can create a society where everyone feels valued, irrespective of their body size or shape.
Today we’ve had, what I think, is an enlightening discussion about understanding and overcoming misogyny and fatphobia, and how we, as individuals and as a collective, can pave the way for change.
We began by defining misogyny and fatphobia, using insights from Kate Manne’s impactful work in her latest book, “Unshrinking: How to Face Fatphobia”. We explored how this isn’t just about overt hate but is a mechanism for controlling and policing women’s bodies and choices. We unpacked the deep-seated psychological and emotional impacts of living in a society that idolizes thinness and marginalizes those who don’t conform, discussing the consequences of internalized fatphobia and misogyny, like self-esteem issues, eating disorders, and body dysmorphia.
We then shifted to strategies for personal empowerment—challenging internalized beliefs, practicing self-compassion, engaging in self-care, and embracing intuitive eating and body neutrality. We talked about the importance of seeking supportive communities and professional help when needed.
Finally, we recognized the crucial role of collective action in combating societal standards. We discussed how critical evaluation of media, advocacy, education, and empowering women to embrace their bodies can lead to broader societal changes.
I want to reaffirm the message of hope and empowerment.
This is not just a conversation; it’s a movement, and you are a vital part of it. I encourage you to continue this dialogue in your circles, share your thoughts and stories, and be the beacon of change in your community.
For further reading and support, I highly recommend Kate Manne’s books, “Down Girl” and “Entitled.” Her new book, “Unshrinking: How to Face Fatphobia” came out on January 9, 2024. They all offer profound insights into the topics we’ve discussed today.
Thank you, to each and every one of you, for joining me on this episode of “Say, ‘When!'”.
Don’t forget to tune in for the next episode, where we’ll continue to explore important topics that touch our lives.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. Share them with us on social media or via email. Your voice matters, and your experiences can inspire and empower others.
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And if you’re looking for more personalized guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out for my coaching services. You can find all the details on my website, hollytoscanini.com.
Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Together, we are stronger, braver, and capable of sparking real change. Until next time, stay empowered, and keep saying, when! To things that no longer serve you. Bye for now.
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